A Tall Cup of Clueless

March 27, 2015

 

Starbucks, the world's biggest coffee chain, kicked off a U.S. race relations campaign last week...  Employees behind the counter were asked to write "Race Together" on customers' cups.

 

Business Insider 3/22/15

 

 

INT. STARBUCKS EMPLOYEE BREAK ROOM

 

Three teenage baristas anxiously watch the time clock.  It clicks audibly.

 

MUFFY

Shift's started.

 

AMIR

Kill me now.

 

CHIP

I still don't get it. 

 

MUFFY

It's so random.

 

CHIP

Where's that Memo?

 

MANAGER LINDA pokes her head in the door.  

 

MANAGER LINDA

We've got customers - come on!

 

She ducks out.  Chips reads the Memo posted on the wall. 

 

CHIP

Ok - here it goes - blah, blah, we're supposed to write on the cups.

 

AMIR

HQ's head's up its ass.

 

CHIP

(reading) And "engage the customer in a dialogue."

 

MUFFY

Awkward!

 

CHIP

"Race together?"  What - we're supposed to run a marathon with them?

 

MUFFY

No, just talk about it.

 

CHIP

We're supposed to talk about running a marathon with them?

 

AMIR

Race like ethnicity, retard.

 

MUFFY

They want us to, like, convo about racism.  

 

CHIP

Oh HELL no -

 

Manager Linda sticks her head in the door.

 

MANAGER LINDA

What the F, guys?!  They're stacked up 20 deep out there!

 

She's gone.  Amir plods toward the front of house.

 

AMIR

I sooo gotta get a new gig.

 

He exits.

 

MUFFY

You don't have to write it.

 

CHIP

Like you don't have to play on the softball team?  I missed one season and I still get all the shitty shifts.   Are you gonna do it?

 

MUFFY

I guess. I do have personal experience.

 

CHIP

You're from Martha's Vineyard.

 

MUFFY

Yeah, but I spent a summer in Cancun.

 

CHIP

This is gonna go bad for me.  I know it.  Like when I picked the CD of the Day. 

 

MUFFY

Dude, "The Negro Problem?!"

 

CHIP

IT'S A BAND!

 

MUFFY

Yeah, well, next time maybe don't write it in huge letters on the menu board.

 

She exits.  Chip paces.

 

CHIP

I'm gonna get my ass kicked.

 

He stops, squaring his shoulders.

 

Screw it.

 

INT. STARBUCKS

 

Chip marches to the front of house.   It's BUSY;  a looong line of customers are impatiently waiting.  Chip takes his place behind a register.

 

CHIP

Next!

 

CUSTOMER 1, an attractive, Asian looking woman approches.

 

CUSTOMER 1

Jade Citrus tea, please.

 

Chip grabs a cup, begins writing "# RaceTogether"  on it.

 

CHIP

Jade.  That's a Chinese gem stone, right?

 

CUSTOMER 1

I don't know.  I'm not  -

 

CHIP

Chinese?/

 

CUSTOMER 1

/- a gemologist. 

 

CHIP

And what's the deal with that "If it's a girl, throw it in the river" thing?

 

CUSTOMER

What?!

 

CHIP

Nothing -

 

CUSTOMER 1

I'm Cherokee, Douche.

 

Customer 1 moves to another barista's line.  CUSTOMER 2, a bearded, middle aged man, steps up.

 

CUSTOMER 2

Onion bagel, please.

 

CHIP

Bagels, yum!  Bagels are the best! And Chanukah!  Chanukah's awesome, right?  Not just one day of gifts, but a whole week!

 

CUSTOMER 2

Do you have Asperger's?

 

CHIP

Ha! Ha! No!  Or at least I don't think so,  I don't know what that is!  Want to have a dialogue about it?

 

CUSTOMER 2

No,  I want my friggen' bagel.

 

Chip hurridly gives Customer 2 his bagel.  He departs as CUSTOMER 3, a very tall, very strong, very dark skinned man in a Malcolm X T-shirt steps up. 

 

CUSTOMER 3

Venti drip.

 

Chip grabs a cup and starts to write "# RaceTogether."

 

CHIP

Sure thing!   Milk?  Sugar?

 

CUSTOMER 3

Nah.

 

Beat.  Chip stops writing.

 

CHIP

So, just ...

 

CUSTOMER 3

Black.

 

Beat.  Chip scribbles out what he's written.

 

CHIP

You got it. 

 

 

END

 

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