Margaret Knight's Battle Rap; 1871 - Pt. 3

March 4, 2017

 

In honor of Women's History Month.

 

Part 3 of 3.

 

JUDGE
Ms. Knight, your rebuttal?


MARGARET
So, that is “Rap?”   Well, then.   Needs must.


She rolls up her sleeves as the Commissioners pound the table, etc. 

 

MARGARET
OH BOO HOO HOO, PAPER BAG PRINCESS
YOU LIE LIKE A RUG - WHERE IS YOUR WITNESS?
HEED WHAT I’M SPITTIN’  CUZ IMMA ‘BOUT TO CRUSH IT
HELL YEAH, IMMA WOMAN  - I’M ALL OVER LUSCIOUS
YOU BE TALKIN’ SMACK LIKE I A LITTLE GIRL
BITCH, PLEASE! AGE TWELVE  I WAS WORKIN’ INNA MILL
YOU ALL BALLED UP - YOU AIN’T INVENT SHIT
 ‘CEPT ONE HUNDRED WAYS TO PLAY WITCHA DICK


CHARLES
SHUT YER BONE BOX, HO - YOU SPITTIN’ HELLA FIMBLE FAMBLE  
YOU LOST LIKE LIVINGSTON ONNA AFRICAN RAMBLE
IMMA FINE AS CREAM GRAVY   -  STEP ASIDE NOW
‘FORE I SAW YER TIMBER AND CLEAN YER PLOW


MARGARET
THEY CALL ME LADY EDISON
YOUR CLAIMS THE COURT WILL JETTISON
I GOT DA RECEIPTS - YOU DOWN WITH DAT?
NAH, IT OVER YA HEAD LIKE A HOMBURG HAT


JUDGE
IT IS TRANSPARENTLY OBVIOUS
MS. KNIGHT WILL BE VICTORIOUS
ANNAN’S VERSION RINGS AS TRUE
AS OSCAR PISTORIUS


CHARLES
BETTA BRACE YO SELF  - I LAUNCH MY COUNTER ATTACK


MARGARET
YOUR MISSILE IS TOO SHORT AND YOUR RHYMES ARE WHACK


CHARLES
YOUR FLOW BE MENTAL - WHERE YA GET THE GUMPTION?
DON’T CARE A CONTINENTAL - HOPE YA DIE OF CONSUMPTION
I AIN’T RIP YOUR STYLE - DIS IS  MY MACHINE
GOT THE PATENT TO PROVE IT SO KISS MY YAAAAS, QUEEN!


MARGARET
HUGGER-MUGGER, FOUR-FLUSHER, CHISELER,  CHEAT
HOGAMUNDY, HOOSEGOW, MUDSILL, THIEF
YOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A TWO BIT SWINDLER
I GOT NUMEROUS IDEAS,  MAKE A LIST LIKE SCHINDLER
OVER NINETY NINE INVENTIONS AND MY BEATS ARE SICK
GOT A MEDAL FROM THE QUEEN AND MADE HISTORY MY BITCH

YOU HUSTLE LIKE YOU BROKE  - THAT’S CUZ I BROKE YA
YOU RHYME LIKE YOU CHOKE  - THAT’S CUZ I CHOKE YA
MY FREESTYLE BE ILLIN’ -  CHECK MY LEGACY
MY SHIT’S IN DA SMITHSONIAN  -

HOLLA! WASHINGTON DEEEE CEEEEEE


COMMISIONERS
HOOOOOOOOOOLLAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!


Knight  victoriously struts around the court room as the Commissioners go wild.  Judge bangs his gavel.


JUDGE
Order! Order!  Commissioner - bring me my official patent stamping stamp!


COMMISSIONER 1
Yes, sir!


Commissioner 1 EXITS.  


CHARLES
Your Honor, I don’t need the stamp, I already have the patent.


JUDGE
A patent that is now null and void, you scoundrel.  It will be my great honor to grant U.S. Patent number 116842 to Ms. Margaret Knight for she is the rightful owner and inventor of the ingenious Paper Bag Machine.


MARGARET
Now THAT is Ace High, According to Hoyle!


CHARLES
Not fair!!!!


Crying, Annan runs off stage.  All CHEER, then FREEZE in a tableau. 

 

STEVE JOBS enters, wearing his iconic spectacles, black turtle neck, jeans, etc.


STEVE JOBS
And thus, Margaret Knight won her patent interference lawsuit for her bag making machine.  Not exactly an i-phone, but ...  Known as “Lady Edison,” Knight was one of the first women in the U.S. to receive a patent and went on to receive twenty five more. Or maybe eighty six more? At any rate, I had   three hundred and thirteen.  Just sayin’.   Nevertheless, Knight is known as the most famous female inventor of the 19th century.  Much like I, Steve Jobs, am known as the Most Famous Inventor of ALL TIME.

 
The tableau breaks. Lights begin to fade. 

 
MARGARET

That’s not exactly --


STEVE JOBS
I, Steve Jobs, am the Most Famous Inventor of All Time!


JUDGE
Who is Steve Jobs?


STEVE JOBS
The Most Famous Inventor of All Time!!  


COMMISSIONER 2
This is Margaret’s story.


COMMISSIONER 3
He's off his chump!


STEVE JOBS
I AM THE MOST, MOST, MOST -


The Commissioners walk towards Jobs, somewhat menacingly, but Margaret waves them away.

STEVE JOBS
INVENTOR! ME!


MARGARET
Let’s just go.


All exit except for Steve Jobs, who stands alone in the spot light.


STEVE JOBS
I, STEVE JOBS, AM THE MOST FAMOUS INVENTOR OF ALL TIME!!!


Black Out

 

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