Tales of Terror for Today's Woman - Pt. 2

Lights UP. GIRLFRIEND sits, reading a magazine. MARY rushes in, stopping to give her a quick peck on the cheek.

MARY Hi, Babe - sorry I’m late. I’ll get dinner started, hamburgers - okay?

GIRLFRIEND I have herpes.

BLACK OUT.

Lights up. Mary is surprised by the Ghost of Christmas To Come.

MARY AH! Who are you?

THE GHOST The Ghost of Christmas to Come.

MARY But - I’m Jewish.

THE GHOST The Ghost of Chanukah was booked. I’m here to tell your future.

(The following is with a beat, a la E-40’s “Choices”)

MARY Okay... will I ever be wed?

THE GHOST Nope.

MARY I’ll be single till I’m dead?

THE GHOST Yup.

MARY Will I get a promotion?

THE GHOST Nope.

MARY ‘Cause I show too much emotion?

THE GHOST Yup.

MARY Will I crack the glass ceiling?

THE GHOST Nope.

MARY Will I have offspring?

(The beat stops.)

THE GHOST Undecided.

MARY Un - wait - that should’ve been a “Yup.“

THE GHOST And you should’ve gone to medical school. Turns out your mother really did know best - so who’s the asshole now, Huh? BLACK OUT.