Declaration of Independence
Therapist's office.
New Age-y
(Think bullshit quotes on water color posters, gamelon music, probably a little fountain.)
PATIENT
And I realized it's not my job to fix him, so I told him it's over.
THERAPIST
How did that make you feel?
PATIENT
Pretty good. I mean, there's always -
THERAPIST
Aaaaand we're out of time. I think you've made great progress this week. We'll pick it up again next Thursday, yes?
PATIENT
Actually, this is my last session, remember?
THERAPIST
Hmm. I think we should discuss that.
PATIENT
We already did.
THERAPIST
It would be beneficial to have closure.
PATIENT
No, see, that's what today was supposed to be. I told you four weeks ago that I was ready to quit therapy and you suggested we meet to explore my reasons for leaving. So we did and then I said "Goodbye" and you said we should meet to debrief how it felt saying "Goodbye," and during that session, when I said it felt pretty damn good, you said we should meet again to address the fact that I was in "denial" and THAT kept me up all night and the next morning, when I called you to say that was ridiculous, you said we should meet in person to discuss why I felt the need to call rather than have a face to face and so here I am, in your face, and I'm telling you I'm Not. Coming. Back. Okay?
THERAPIST
Perhaps we should meditate -
PATIENT
Nope, no more meditation. No more journaling. No more talking to an empty chair that's supposed to be my Father, who, I could never really see by the way, so you should know I was faking that whole thing. I'm done with Visualization. I am done with Affirmations. I am done with chakras and chimes and crystals and I am SO done with Deepak Chopra, you wouldn't even believe! If I never smell another joss stick or essential oil I will die happy. I mean, I came here to work on some typical, first world problems so how in the Hell did we get to chakras and crystals?!
THERAPIST
You seem angry.
PATIENT
I am!
THERAPIST
We should process your anger -
PATIENT
No, No, NO! Look - in the future, if I need help, I will seek it. I will join a support group or read the Bible or watch Dr. Phil or do like my parents do and pretend there is no problem in hopes that it will magically disappear, but I can guarantee you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will NOT BE BACK.
Okay?
Okay?!
Oh My God - are you crying?!
THERAPIST
(crying) No.
PATIENT
You are!
THERAPIST
You hurt my feelings.
PATIENT
I - I didn't mean to.
Look - I'm sorry.
Please stop crying.
Do you want to talk about it?
THERAPIST
It may help. But only if you want to talk about it.
PATIENT
Ok. Sure.
Therapist immediately stops crying & grabs an appointment book.
THERAPIST
Great!! How about next Thursday at three o'clock?
BLACK OUT
